.
Dr. Vegas was a short-lived TV series that aired in 2004. The show was loosely based on Dr. F, the resident doctor at the hotel where I work. He's worked at the hotel for over 30 years and has had the same secretary for 20 of those years. Doctor F has treated Tony Bennett's sniffles and Frank Sinatra's sore throat, not to mention thousands of hotel guests. Of course in the series, the doctor was played by a handsome and young Rob Lowe—not to say Dr. F isn't handsome—he's just getting old and perhaps a little loose in the head—or perhaps not.
About 7 years ago, while at work, I noticed a rash on the inside of my arm, between my wrist and elbow. In a matter of hours it inflamed to a bright red color and was actually hot to the touch. My bell captain suggested I go up to the third-floor and pay Dr. F a visit, which I did.
Dr. F took one look at it and said, "You've got a hot infection! See that little scratch right there? That's what's causing all your trouble. Let me get you on some penicillin."
The doctor reached behind him and grabbed a large bottle off the shelf. He poured a handful of tablets in his palm and slid them into a smaller bottle. He didn't count how many pills he gave me, nor did he make any record of my visit or treatment. I thought the whole old-school, no-prescription-needed thing was kinda cool.
"Take two pills three times a day and you'll be fine."
"How much do I owe you Doc?"
"Oh, just get outta here and back to work. How's that?"
"Thank-you, Doc."
"Forget about it."
Three years later the infection returned. Same spot, same color, same skin burning with heat. I was most likely to blame for this because I may not have fully abstained from drinking alcohol while on the penicillin before. I returned to Dr. F and reminded him of my previous visit three years earlier. Although he didn't seem to remember, he did study the infection more closely this time.
"You've got a hot infection! We need to slit that open and let it drain before your arm needs to be amputated!"
"Whoa Doc! Amputated? Last time you just gave me a handful of penicillin!"
"I did?"
"YES!"
"Well then," he said while reaching for the bottle on his shelf, "I'm going to give you some more."
"Um, thanks?"
Doctor F continued with his instructions, basically saying the same thing he did three years earlier, but only different.
"Take three pills, twice a day, and you'll be fine. If there's no improvement by the time you finish the pills, come back and we'll drain that sucker."
"Thanks again Doc. Do I owe you anything?"
"Just an arm, no leg," he said with some seriousness in his voice.
Part of me likes to think the good doctor was messing with my head, a form of humor he doesn't normally get to play on his regular hotel patients. I'll probably never know for sure.
Needless to say, I was stone-cold sober for the next two weeks... and I still have my arm.
.
FiN.
